The best thing to come out of Milan since the Duomo.

Item: Missoni Florida Jersey Knit Bikini
Found: via Google
Price: $315.00
Rating: 9 out of 10

My five loyal fans, I write with a heavy heart. What I thought would be a smooth transfer from Facebook blog to real blog is being held up by ONE giant obstacle: A NAME.

Until the day comes that I am awakened in the middle of the night with the most splendid blog name to ever come into existence, I am here in my little photo album, writing in the comments section. How incredibly lame it suddenly seems.

In fact, it is even affecting my creativity and writing abilities. It’s like a toxin seeping into every crevice of my mind, saying (in a sinister voice), “Miriaammmmm, how are you going to write a new posting if you can’t even think of a silly little name???”. I have SO many excellent ideas for blogs inside my cranium, but I can’t begin to work on them because it feels like there is a big glob of fatty plaque stopping up my coronary arteries, allowing only the smallest trickle of blood into my heart. Now I have a pain radiating down my left arm and I’m about to have a freakin’ writer’s block heart attack!!!

Ahem. I have slowly counted to ten, and I am now ready to begin.

Summer is approaching. I see it in the sun that shines a bit hotter day by day. I see it in my students’ rambunctious attitudes as vacation draws near. I see it in every store window as the skirts get shorter and the shirts get tinier. And I see it in my top drawer, as I panic at the lack of fabulous swim wear in it.

I have a lifelong history of bad luck with swimsuits. Not in finding ones I like, in KEEPING the ones I buy! I have probably lost the top or bottom or both of about five swimsuits. No, not while I was wearing them, you DIRTY people! But seriously, swimsuits mysteriously vanish out of my life.

The worst case was of this paisley bikini I bought in Huntington Beach several years ago. It was a mixture of pinks, reds and oranges – and the PERFECT fit. I swear to you, I didn’t have the thing a month before it disappeared without a trace!!! If you stole that swimsuit, and you are reading this, I will not be upset with you, please just return it as soon as possible. I’m serious, I will message you my address. I might also hire someone to hack into your computer and affect it with a virus, but hey! That’s karma!

So, the swimsuit in this picture is $315. Clearly, not meant for me, since I’d probably lose it anyway. But…. Missoni!!!! For those of you who don’t spend every waking moment browsing fashion websites, Missoni is an Italian fashion house based near Milan. They became famous for their knit-wear in vibrant, striped patterns, and these types of items continue to be their best-sellers.

If you’ve ever been to the beach, you know that swimsuits have a lot to say. A Victoria’s Secret swimsuit might say, “I WANT to look like the VS models, but really, I sit around watching Desperate Housewives and eating cream cheese”. A Roxy swimsuit might say, “I’ve never surfed, but I want to put off an OC vibe. I’m also twelve.” A Missoni swimsuit, however, says, “I spend my summers in a yacht off the coast of the Cinque Terre, and I enjoy wearing large, floppy hats.”

Now THAT is what I want my swimsuit to say. If only I had a decent one to wear, dangit.

This particular swimsuit is from Missoni’s spring 2005 collection. Proof that their patterns are classic and will look great for years.

Someday, when I am ridiculously wealthy and my blog has thousands of readers, I will post a blog that reads, “Today I’m writing from a yacht in the Mediterranean.” It will include a picture of me in this swimsuit and a floppy hat. And YOU, my friend, will have the privilege of saying, “I knew Miriam back when her blog was nameless and her Missoni swimsuit was just something she wanted but couldn’t afford.”

Ciao! Love you all!

~ Mir


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