Audrey Hepburn. Chicer than chic.

Item: Audrey Hepburn-esque Cigarette Pants
Found: Various websites
Price: Unknown
Rating: Pants of My Life out of 10

PANTS. UGH. When did someone decide that girls should wear them??? I mean, even the expression “wears the pants in the relationship” alludes to manliness. I know – how 1940 am I? Like, get with the program, Miriam. Women vote. They go to work. And wear pants.

I know, but I just find dresses and skirts SO much more fun. But don’t listen to me. I’m wearing jeans AS I write this, so I’m a hypocrite.

Someone who I will say wore pants beautifully was Audrey Hepburn. There are simply no words to accurately describe the chicness that IS Audrey Hepburn. And there’s no arguing that she single-handedly made the black cigarette pant what it is today.

Since I was about 14 years old (which was 10 years ago… GASP) and saw this picture of Audrey in these incredible pants, I’ve kept my eyes peeled for my own personal pair. The Pants of My Life – if you will. They will sit just below my belly button, they will make my butt look incredible, they will hit just above the ankle to show off whatever hot shoes I’m wearing that day, and they’ll look as fabulous with sky-high heels as they would with ballet flats. The black color is negotiable – I’d prefer gray or navy because of their versatility – but… beggars can’t be choosers. The whole idea of this pant (singular, just for Stacy London) is about FIT. In fact, much of fashion is more about fit than anything else. It’s taken me a LONG time to “get” this concept in my shopping. So often I buy something because it’s in a pretty color or has a neat design, but then seldom wear it because it fits horribly. Think about it. What are the items you wear the most? The ones that fit fabulously.

I’ve never come even remotely close to finding the Pants of My Life. But that does NOT mean I’m giving up! Some day, I will be in a dressing room somewhere in Paris, and I will slip unsuspecting into a pair of pants, and then doves will start flying out of the dressing room and a big spotlight will come on and the sound of coins coming out a a slot machine will play because – gosh danget – I’ve hit the pants jackpot! I will buy two pairs, wear them often (but not every day – I’ve got to save some time for my skirts and dresses!) and keep them even after I have children and become too huge to fit into them.

I actually did have one pair of “pants of my life” in the past. It was a pair of jeans, though. They were Gap jeans, size 2 long. I slipped those babies on and they looked like a tailor had just sewn them directly on to me. Fit like a freakin glove. I wore them daily until they literally had holes so big, they became totally inappropriate to wear out. Even though they’re completely useless now, I haven’t had the heart to get rid of them. Here’s a pic of me in Rome in those jeans. The holes occurred naturally from years of wear and tear. ☺

My AWESOME mom even found me the EXACT pair on eBay once the Gap stopped telling them, but since each pair of jeans are made slightly differently, the second pair just didn’t have the same magic. Sigh.

Well, I hope this blog doesn’t come across as entirely disjointed, because I actually wrote it over the course of three weeks in three separate evenings. Furthermore, during one of those three evenings (cough…tonight…cough) I had consumed a significant amount of Australian Shiraz. You can make your own guesses as to which portions were written then. ☺

Thanks for reading about yet another thing I want but can’t afford. Love you all!

~ Mir


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